The Loss of Self

Lodi Lake

When you lose someone who makes you lose yourself, it is difficult to find a way back.

You wish you could get them back, but somethings ARE impossible.

One day you realize that, though you may never be the same, you can always get to know the new you.

You simply make a way to yourself that wasn’t there before. Then, you continue to search for more…

More from others and more from yourself.

So, even if you lose yourself, you are never truly lost.

The Recovery

Sorry I have been out for so long. I am recovering well from the surgery, but it has taken longer than expected to fully recovered. At this point, there is some slight discomfort and one incision that is just being stubborn. For the most part, it has scabbed over, but just doesn’t seem to want to stay that way. Nothing of any real concern, though. Just have to continue to alcohol it, in order to keep it from getting infected, there is still a shallow opening…almost like a scratch. I would like to thank all of you whom are back with me today. May our journey continue.

Enjoy the poem, but be warned…things aren’t always what they seem!

The path to recovery was long and hard, but here I stand today.

The wounds have left some scars, and the tears and pains were many along the way.

How lonely my journey was, without the light of day, that everything seemed hopeless and far from gay.

I lost my mind and lost my heart, lost even words to say. Yet, somehow I managed to keep my insanity at bay.

Yet, here I am, recovered. The wounds have healed…left scars that will never go away.

And, here I am, to fight the pains of life and enjoy my day to day…and how lucky I am, that I may.

Goodbye?

At The Hospital
I do not know when, or if, I will get to post again. I have always believed in hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. At the very least, I may be absent for a while during recovery. If I shall post again one day, I hope you will still be there, ready to continue this journey with me. In the event that this is my last post, I simply wanted to say some final words. This is what I came up with:

If I only have one more day of life, I want everyone I love to know that, wherever I may be, I will always be there.

Please don’t cry for me, for I used my time wisely. I spent all my time and energy giving you all my love and focus. I did what I could to help others. I sacrificed it all, that you would find a moment of happiness.

I will not go far, my body may not be seen, but my spirit and my love will always be by your side. Know that you are great and I am proud.

To those who have followed any of my journeys, thank you for giving me a piece of your time and, thus, a piece of your life.

One never knows what tomorrow will bring, or even the next moment, but if I shall part this Earth, let me have said my final goodbye.

Love, -Rebel

Tell Me How You Smile

Bruce
Finding Nemo

As I sit here and think of the many famous people who go through life with such a positive outlook on all things life, I can’t help but wonder…

How?

How do they manage to look at the bright side, have hope, and encourage others to do the same?

How can they face so much criticism and scrutiny, yet live seemingly so happy?

They must have their daily struggles, their life can’t be without challenges…no one’s is.

They feel loneliness, suffer lose, and are hurt by injustice. They may be treated unkindly or face illnesses and deaths.

So, what keeps them smiling? What guides them to share their light? What is the secret to not letting things get you down or hold you there?

Some may say God, but someone close to him can still fall prey to pessimism.

Some may say Hope, but not all who have it are optimistic of what is to come.

Is it then, simply Faith? But, wait! Just because I think it will all be okay, doesn’t mean I won’t suffer through what is yet to be okay.

What says you, my resilient friend? Can it be a predisposed trait based on personality? A gene, perhaps?

I wish to know more. I want to find out. How do you keep your head up, so high, through it all?

Survey, data, research, analyze, and conclude…would I then have the key to succeed against my own doubts, fears, and pains?

Congratulations

As I recently celebrated another year with my significant other, I wrote these thoughts down. Hope some of you can relate. To all of you out there, celebrating an Anniversary…Congratulations!

It’s been a long road to where we stand, from the path we chose so long ago. Though times are tough and it has been rough, here we are again.

From bad, to worse, and now the worst, we always find the good.

When I think about our struggles and what we still have ahead, it seems impossible that our journey is still united. And, even when things seem hopeless, I put my faith in us.

Together we have done so much; together we have come so far. Together we have conquered all that we know how. And, even though we’ve come to a fork in the road, in which we know not the path to take, I really think we’ll be all right…with an accompanied step in the same direction.

Here’s to the love we share. May we continue to succeed together, or may we find happiness apart. No matter what…we have made it this far.

Happy Anniversary!