The Loss of Self

Lodi Lake

When you lose someone who makes you lose yourself, it is difficult to find a way back.

You wish you could get them back, but somethings ARE impossible.

One day you realize that, though you may never be the same, you can always get to know the new you.

You simply make a way to yourself that wasn’t there before. Then, you continue to search for more…

More from others and more from yourself.

So, even if you lose yourself, you are never truly lost.

The Recovery

Sorry I have been out for so long. I am recovering well from the surgery, but it has taken longer than expected to fully recovered. At this point, there is some slight discomfort and one incision that is just being stubborn. For the most part, it has scabbed over, but just doesn’t seem to want to stay that way. Nothing of any real concern, though. Just have to continue to alcohol it, in order to keep it from getting infected, there is still a shallow opening…almost like a scratch. I would like to thank all of you whom are back with me today. May our journey continue.

Enjoy the poem, but be warned…things aren’t always what they seem!

The path to recovery was long and hard, but here I stand today.

The wounds have left some scars, and the tears and pains were many along the way.

How lonely my journey was, without the light of day, that everything seemed hopeless and far from gay.

I lost my mind and lost my heart, lost even words to say. Yet, somehow I managed to keep my insanity at bay.

Yet, here I am, recovered. The wounds have healed…left scars that will never go away.

And, here I am, to fight the pains of life and enjoy my day to day…and how lucky I am, that I may.

Goodbye?

At The Hospital
I do not know when, or if, I will get to post again. I have always believed in hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. At the very least, I may be absent for a while during recovery. If I shall post again one day, I hope you will still be there, ready to continue this journey with me. In the event that this is my last post, I simply wanted to say some final words. This is what I came up with:

If I only have one more day of life, I want everyone I love to know that, wherever I may be, I will always be there.

Please don’t cry for me, for I used my time wisely. I spent all my time and energy giving you all my love and focus. I did what I could to help others. I sacrificed it all, that you would find a moment of happiness.

I will not go far, my body may not be seen, but my spirit and my love will always be by your side. Know that you are great and I am proud.

To those who have followed any of my journeys, thank you for giving me a piece of your time and, thus, a piece of your life.

One never knows what tomorrow will bring, or even the next moment, but if I shall part this Earth, let me have said my final goodbye.

Love, -Rebel

Some Things Never Fade

It can be difficult to decide what I should post next. Out of the thousands of pictures taken over the year, the countless poems and thoughts, new and old…what should go here? I’ve been writing since Elementary. I’ve been taking photos since I ventured on into the World. I have had a lot of ups and downs, and even downer. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just write something on the spot, despite all my reserves. With all that to choose from, and all that I am still adding to my collection of works, I’m sure I could post every day. However, there is much else to be done. I do my best to stick to my Wednesday schedule, and I would like to apologize that I do not post at the same time every time. Next week, I may be posting on Monday. I have a surgery on Tuesday and I don’t know when, or if, I will be able to post again. For now, this is what I chose. I wrote it not, too, many days ago, with a friend I lost in mind. I miss him dearly and just want him to know that I am always here for him…even if it comes to be only in spirit.

Two hearts that once united, one can never let go.

Two souls that parted, one wishing for more.

A heart and soul that need you so, wanting your return.

But, oh, the stubborn one, whom believes it just isn’t so.

How could I not want the one who gave me life, the one who helped me smile?

How could I not want my best friend back, when a best friend is all my life is missing?

Two hearts that once united, two souls that once parted, can always be reunited.

The Travellothoner

Passing through Canada, 2008

I wrote this in honor of my favorite blogger. In it, I reference a lot of his poems by title or I by quoting his work. If you enjoy my poems, I am sure you will enjoy his, I know I do. Give him a follow at thetravellothoner.wordpress.com to read about his travels, health, fitness, and poems.

Because you speak to me, I’ll speak to you.

I am the ‘Girl Who Thinks She’s Not Good Enough’.

You are right…’Failure’ doesn’t change me. And, “What’s done is done”, but it is so hard to move on.

I don’t like to abandon a soul, for I am the ‘Pure Heart’ you speak of.

I, too, “treasure friendship”, and your words have helped me so.

I am far from “normal”, but a “fighter”. “Fractured and hurt” as you describe.

Pass me a “shovel”, let me “dig inside” all of my “rubble”. Stubborn and all, I am ‘She’.

“You are my go-to” blogger, for ‘Eternity & Beyond’. Your writing is “perfect for me”.

I can sit here all day, referencing your words. “I hope this doesn’t seem too creepy”.

As I, too, have ‘The Wish’, it’s as the words were read from my mind…even down to the “hugs and kisses” ‘The New Year’ brought.

I may just be your ‘Kind Of Woman’. That is how oddly coincidental you speak to me.

In a funny way, you may be my ‘New Friend’. Even if I am not into fitness, with our poems we can relate.

This “little bird, learning to take flight” is also a ‘Grateful’ flower.

And, as I am ‘Sun Bound’, these words might be worth ‘The Wait’, like ‘A Drop Of Life’ in ‘The Rain’.

So, tell this ‘Unsung Hero’ ‘A Story’, whether ‘It Pains Me’ or not. For, I wish to keep seeing your ‘Many Masks’.

I cannot wait to continue to travel with you, this journey of words online. I am forever your fan.

“I can assure you that I am being sincere, when I say that I’ll always be near.” Ready to read whatever comes next…so, type on my friend!

Tell Me How You Smile

Bruce
Finding Nemo

As I sit here and think of the many famous people who go through life with such a positive outlook on all things life, I can’t help but wonder…

How?

How do they manage to look at the bright side, have hope, and encourage others to do the same?

How can they face so much criticism and scrutiny, yet live seemingly so happy?

They must have their daily struggles, their life can’t be without challenges…no one’s is.

They feel loneliness, suffer lose, and are hurt by injustice. They may be treated unkindly or face illnesses and deaths.

So, what keeps them smiling? What guides them to share their light? What is the secret to not letting things get you down or hold you there?

Some may say God, but someone close to him can still fall prey to pessimism.

Some may say Hope, but not all who have it are optimistic of what is to come.

Is it then, simply Faith? But, wait! Just because I think it will all be okay, doesn’t mean I won’t suffer through what is yet to be okay.

What says you, my resilient friend? Can it be a predisposed trait based on personality? A gene, perhaps?

I wish to know more. I want to find out. How do you keep your head up, so high, through it all?

Survey, data, research, analyze, and conclude…would I then have the key to succeed against my own doubts, fears, and pains?

The Achievement

Yosemite National Park
Atop Upper Yosemite Falls Trail

This summer, my family and I took a trip to this beautiful place. There, I had the opportunity to take many wonderful photos and hike some of the trails inside the park. That of which, the most challenging, was this one…and here is my true story:

The mountain was miles high. The person was broke. Broken back, injured knees, shoulder, neck, and arms. With all sorts of nerve damage, all left from the war. The challenge, to get to the top and back down.

The journey was agonizing. The path, steep and rough. So many slips and tears along the way. Midway up the mountain, she could barely take another step. Unwilling to give up, she pushed on.

Her legs collapsed dozens of times. Her arms gave out several times, too. Her mind couldn’t imagine finishing the hike. Her body didn’t feel like it could make it to the top, much less back down. However, her heart could not quit.

No one knows how, but she found herself atop of the World…finally.

She rested. She enjoyed the views and a rock seat next to a beautiful river fall. But, she couldn’t stay there forever. Thus, the journey wasn’t over. Even though the rest was an hour long, it was not sufficient. Time to return. The challenge continued. Down the mountain she went.

Still in pain and with all sorts of muscles failing, this is how she took the hike down.

One slip of a hand, here. One collapse of a leg, there. Arms and legs shook the entire way. She stumbled and slipped many more times. She even twisted her ankles just as much. Hitting a rock with her leg, or up against it with her body, was common.

But, she could not stay in the mountain throughout the night, so she forced herself to keep going, as she imagined herself stumbling down the rocky mountain, hitting trees along the way.

The journey was tough. The destination, amazing. Yet, she found herself in regret, as she realized that she was only half way down. When she had only a fourth of the way to go, she couldn’t believe just how far it still was.

With only a few thousand feet left, she wished to stop, for she couldn’t go on anymore. Then, she still would have to walk on level ground for a half of a mile to the car. In her mind, there was no way she could do it. No way would she, even, make it to the bottom.

A few steps more. This was the last bit. Every step was painful. But, she finally could see the bottom. Would she actually get off the mountain?

As she took her final step off the rocky path, she wondered if she would have to be carried to their parking spot. Point-Six miles, the sign read. That’s about how far the car was away, but not quite.

In victory, she sat. Oh, but it even hurt to sit. She never gave up. No one had to carry her or haul her in an Emergency Vehicle. Though, now, she cannot walk, or even stand, she can stand tall and proud of her achievement.

Who would have ever guessed that this little, broken woman could accomplish such a feat?

There must still be a Soldier in her!

Let no one ever claim she is weak, for she has shown her true strength.